Hollywood's Dying Naked Series Part I

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, That Thing That Works At DQ in Litchfield, time for a special treat. In light of Cory "Mr. Hollywood" Beiermann leaving for what I know to be sure death on June 7th, I'm starting a series of blog posts entitled 'Hollywood's Dying Naked'. In each episode of the series, we will have a new picture of the beloved one, a memory, and a caption. Today marks the series premeire. Please, enjoy the following.

Episode #1 - What a Genitally-Man

For the first installment of of series, we have this cute picture of charming Hollywood discovering himself for the fourth time that evening. Aww...

Be sure to tune next time for another riveting episode of, 'Hollywood's Dying Naked'.

Prom is for Pretty People and Sometimes Me

In light of another school year coming to an end, prom season is among us. Most readers of this blog (i'm assuming) have far surpassed their highschool years. But, I haven't. Though homeschooled, I still have the oppurtunity to attend a public school prom. And this year, I will be attending three. Two real, One fake, One cheap, One costly, One drunk.

Prom One
Where - Lincolnwood
Date - Cory Beiermann A.K.A Mr. Hollywood A.K.A. He has an 8-inch penis
When - April 22nd
Wearing - Cheap N' Trashy Suit a Cheap N' Trashy Thrift Store, or maybe the slightly more upscale resale shop "Sojourn's"
Why - To hold Hollywood's hand and further spread the rumor at Lincolnwood that I am gay

Prom Two
Where - Rochester
Date - My Lady Emily Carlson A.K.A Jailbird A.K.A. Joy
When - May 6th
Wearing - Some Tux That Matches Emily's super-awesome-jaw-dropping dress
Why - Because I have to...and want to...of course...yeah...seriously...it'll be great...yeah

Prom Three
Where - Ray's Apartment
Date - Emily and every drunk sad bastard there
When - After Rochester's sometime
Wearing - First, same suit from Lincolnwood's and then, still that suit but no pants
Why - It's a mock prom where we have an excuse to put beer in a punch bowl and make a reservation for a party of 10-15 at Denny's

What's your best prom memory?

The Hills Have Eyes, Even on the East Side

tonight, i braved the likely hood of the remake of hills have eyes hack-job of wes craven's original, and went to see the film. being on the east side of springfield for the late show on a friday night added to the derangement. besides, the only person with me was Emily from the voice and she's been known to pass out from too much fright, so i was in this alone. surprisingly the film held fairly true to craven's piece. all the same characters died in the same order in the same way, that alone filled me with satisfaction. the ending dragged it's feet for awhiling longer than it should have but, all in all, not disappointing, plus, unlike the amityville horror remake, there aren't countless shots of abs and clevage, so it didn't seem like a gap commercial. if anyone else has seen this movie and would like to refute my opinions, gladly do so in my comment box. leave it, niggar!!

"The Door In The Floor" was released in 2000-FOUR!!!

Okay, so I've been away for awhile. What have I accomplished in my break from blogging? What do I have to show for this month long hiatus? The answer is...little. Dissapointed? Thought I'd have some stories? Don't get so worked up you few people whose lives this blog effects.

Things I have been up to though...a little "Anarchy".
My dear (rumored bisexual) friend Chris Ray has begun the production stage of his debut short film, Anarchy. In which I play one half the pair of "vulture fuck" team, Roy and Angus, me being the latter. To read more about this film and see some candid photos taken during filming this past weeked, walk your virtual ass over to www.trackpost.blogspot.com . Check back there periodically to read progess in the form of blog written by writer director Christopher Ray. And please, tell him he's beautiful, he has started to cry a lot lately.

Meanwhile, I watched The Weatherman yesterday for the second time. The first time was at the theater with my aforementioned buddy Ray. Yesterday was in the confines of my own home. The only difference from watching it recently to when it came out was that, it seemed much less comedic and much more depressing for anyone with a reserved amount of ambition they are relying on for getting them away from their current posistion on the map. Either way, watch it. Abe Lincoln fucks a dutch chick!! Or maybe she's swedish. Foreign Boob!!

I also just finished The Door in the Floor. Bridge's character is lovable in the way that when he acts mad in the movie, he only seems like a chubby alcoholic 8 year old pretending to flair his nostrils and puff out his chest so he can get more chocolate. And Basinger's (???) character is much more fucking tragic than the viewer will probably be ready for. Also, Elle Fanning is much cuter than her sister Dakota. Rock On Elle. Rock. F-ing. On.

Not too long ago I began my training to become a part-time host at work. Which translates into dressing nicer and waking up earlier. Instead of arriving at 4PM during the week, I arrive at 5:45AM and leave around 1:30PM. Which is cool...I guess. I get more hours now though, more CHEDDAR CHEDDAR!!

I promise I might never stop blogging for a month again. I feel I could be losing loyal fans and AmericanDollar will soon be reduced to nothing. Have Faith.

I Got An Office

This is my office.

After every night shift at the old Best Western I complete, I ususally log in any where from 30 minutes to an hour of overtime in my office, before offically going off the clock. Ususally reading such things from Chuck Klosterman, Spin Magazines, or the SJ-R. Sitting at my desk (pants down) is such a delight after a monotous 6-hour shift. And the blueberry muffins I borrow from the cook's fridge after they have left for the evening are undoubtedly the most delicious pastery in the whole hotel.

Does ripping of a hotel chain for an extra hour of pay by sitting on a toliet for reading make me an unhonest person?

Don't Know What I Got

I'm off to work, la da di DA! But, before I go, I will not leave you empty eyed. I don't know what I got to offer, lemme look around a bit...


Ahh Yes, Splendid. Enjoy!

I Dream Of Chuck

I guess, since this post is about a dream I had and Chuck Klosterman was in it, I should have put a picture of him rather than one of his autographs to the right. But, this made me laugh...now I'll continue.

Earlier this evening when I was sitting in the handicap restroom stale at Best Western after work (soaking up an extra hour before clocking out) I was reading Fargo Rock City. After a couple pages, I remembered a dream I had last night.

In this dream, the yearly festival of Ireland (Irish Days) was going on uptown Farmersville. I remember I was drinking a beer and walked past a group of guys hanging out under the pavilion listening to loud dance music. I noticed one of them was Chuck Klosterman. So, I walked up to the group and starting dancing. Chuck laughed and backed away and then started a little shoulder bump dancing of his own. I shook my hand at him and did one of those ass things the girls do in the rap videos and started to chase Chuck around with my buttox. By the time the chase ended Chuck and I next to a bench where a mother and her baby were sitting. Then, Chuck starts breaking dancing with two lit sparklers in his hands, I was amazed by the constant rotation of body and sparklers. Then, midway through his dance, the sparklers explode and killed the baby.

(space missing)

I walked past a guilt-heavy Chuck later and said to him in a state of sheer hysteria ( i remember this word for word), "Hey Chuck, that would have been a great dance if you wouldn't have blown that baby up."

What Does This Mean?!?!

Stroked Me The Wrong Way

So, I guess Julian can't sing any more. I just watch their performance on SNL. They played their first single of First Impressions, "Juicebox", and then the (in my opinion) the best song from the album, "You Only Live Once". I will say though, "Juicebox" is hard to sing, I've tried, I still do, and it's difficult. But, Julian just seemed to lack his normal gusto on the mic. The whole thing in fact just didn't seem very stroky. I was dissappointed. Hopefully the St.Louis show in April doesn't resemble that. If it does, I'll throw my boots at the band!! My Boots!!!

Flick-R-Fun-Fun

today, i made my first "flickr" account. you can go there and see pictures i have taken and that have been taken of me. maybe YOU will be in some of them, yeah, probably so. check in there from time to time and leave me comments so i know i'm loved.

www.flickr.com/people/learn-to-dance

SALSA!!

First Anniversary

February 21st is only a little over a month away. While it is probably too early for me to be mentioning this, it is too late for me to still be awake, so I'll propose anyway. This February 21st (and hopefully all following ones) I will be watching "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas", while rum drunk. I'm not sure if any other Thompson disciples have similar plans, but I just wanted to throw out the reminder to anybody whose somebody that makes up everybody. Drink Hard.

Tussels In Bussels

I didn't know The Hives had a DVD out. I saw it at best buy, $12.99, I bounced. It's good for two reasons. Reasons one; over half of it is concert footage, and as we all know (all that are cool enough to have atteneded a hives show), their stageshow is hot! Reason two; the 30 minute documentry is weird and obscure and very uninformative and extrememly fun to watch once. It has no interviews and it has little background info on the band besides the fact that since their very early shows when they were still in high school, they were still quite the cocky fuckers. But, I wonder how much of what the director (D W Johnson) says is actually true.

Whatever. If you can find the DVD for 13 bucks or less, buy it. If not, put it in your pocket and run out the door.

"Fuck The Police"

the police stopped to have a conversation (kind of) with me tonight as i was walking around town listening to the new strokes album for an upcoming review. the following is the story as i e-mailed it to fellow voice staffer, Cassandra Novy, of New Berlin, so don't mind any inside information that you don't understand.

so i'm walking along, dancing (as you've seen me do), when one sheriff's car dives in front of me to block my way. i rip my headphones off just as i notice another set of lights behind me, i yank my head 180 degrees and another sheriff's car does the same as the first behind me. the first cop jumps out of the car jogs until she is about 25 feet from me, with her gun in her hand and out but not pointing at me. the second cop has his hand on his gun as he is jogging toward me and he yells, "Stay Still Sir!!". i instantly freeze. he walks closer. closer. closer. i'm thinking, "Oh Fuck, He's Going To Throw Me To The Sidewalk!" i'm not too worried about why these cops are stopping me or the fact that i don't have any i.d. on me, i'm only concerned about how much it's going to hurt when my body hits the concrete. damn is this going to hurt. luckily, this obvious intelligent police officer asks me what my name is before really making physical contact with me. i let out a half yell/quarter squawk/quarter mumbled "Brad Detherage!?!" for a few seconds, i was wondering, "wait, am i brad detherage? if i was, these cops wouldn't be preparing to cap my sorry white ass. what the hell is my name?" instantly, after they heard me say, "Brad Detherage," the previous excitement they had had just shit itself and suddenly looked just as confused as i had been. "Well, what's your mother's name." the second copped asked me practically scratching his head. "Kathy. Kathy Detherage." by this time, both cops are in a completely relaxed posistion, guns in their holsters (where the fucking things should be). i explained to them i was listening to the strokes new album because i had to write a review for it. cop #2 said he could hear it when he got out of the car. then i told him how friend, austin ray, had told me to listen to records on headphones at least once so you can hear the subtle noises or voices in the back that you wouldn't normally be able to hear at a casual volume through speakers. halfway through telling this to the police officers they both had apologized and walked back to their cars. then, i continue walking home and about one block from my house, i see both the cops pulling the same gig on some people sitting at the laundry mat uptown. whew!!

Won't You Stuff My Stocking???

Another X-mas is upon us. Another gathering at the Springfield Hooters from 9PM to 10PM X-mas night is also upon us. Won't you stuff my stocking?

But, I recieved some news today that was not so X-masy, unfortunately. The following is an e-mail I recieved today from the editor of Rockpile Magazine.

---
Date:
Sat, 24 Dec 2005 13:54:24 -0500
Subject:
Re: My Proposal, My Writing Samples
From:
"Mike McKee" Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
To:
"Mr. Kick Ass"

hey brad thanks a lot for your interest and for sending along your clips. very nice approach by the way--who can resist the drunken daft punk request at the end of the night, haha?at any rate, i really liked some of what i read in your clips: you avoid a lot of the overused buzz words that are just static to readers now, you also do a good job of denying yourself hyperbole, which is crucial i think to decent writing about music/entertainment. technically and grammarwise, your clips seemed to be solid as well.at the moment, we're not really looking for new writers. in fact, we're trying to winnow most things down to a more consistent, regular core of staff writers. however, things always change, so i'd be more than happy to keep in touch with you.meanwhile, feel free to send us along any stories or pitches you think we might be interested in publishing.thanks again for getting in touch, and good luck!
mike mckee
editor
---

some what dissappointing, but whatever. I'll just badger him with weekly samples until he gives in decides to take me in. Until that day, I'll be submitting to prefix and pop matters.

Tuesday, my 150 words on the doctor will be published in the voice. You can read it online then at www.sj-r.com/voice

We will be opening gifts soon so I must meditate. Schlap!!

I'm a Blood Giver

Chris Hires - Tits Not A Party w/o You

Today, I may go give blood, may not. I've been planning to but, I don't want to go alone, so if someone goes with, I'll be King Blood Giver. If not, I'll just cut my wrist at the park.

I submitted four writing samples to Mike at rockpile on Monday. Au$10 said he'll probably never talk to me, so I am suppose to badger him with weekly e-mails. Will do... If rockpile turns me down I'm going to check out prefix, popmatters, and possibly aversion.

I got my Illinois 2005 Form IL-1040. Which can mean several I suppose, but I think it means tax return time. Other than that, it'll make nice toliet paper, then fire starter.

I Walked The Line Again

Johnny Cash - The Legend Of Johnny Cash

I went and saw Walk The Line for the second time tonight. Rarely do I go see a movie twice in the theater. Coincidently, after the movie was over, I bought my first Johnny Cash CD. It's a best of, the only one I could find. Is this the start of Brad listening to country music? I said it'd never happen but, then again, country isn't a far cry from all the folk I already listen to. Have any suggestions for any good country albums I should by???